Supporting Your Child When They Come Out: A Guide for Parents

19 June 2024

When children come out to their parents as part of the LGBT+ community, it can be a significant moment filled with various emotions and uncertainties. As a parent, your response can profoundly impact your child's well-being and the strength of your relationship. Here are some supportive and constructive actions South African parents can take when their child comes out.

1. Listen and Acknowledge Their Feelings

The first step is to listen without interrupting. Allow your child to express themselves fully and acknowledge their feelings. They have likely spent considerable time and effort coming to terms with their identity and deciding to share this with you. Your role is to be a supportive listener, showing that you respect and value their courage and honesty.

2. Express Unconditional Love and Support

Reassure your child that your love for them is unwavering. Use affirming language and let them know that their identity does not change how much you care about them. This reassurance is crucial in making them feel safe and accepted.

3. Educate Yourself

Take the initiative to learn about the LGBT+ community. Understanding terms, issues, and experiences can help you empathize with your child. In South Africa, organizations such as OUT LGBT Well-being and Triangle Project offer valuable resources and support. These organizations can provide you with information and connect you with other parents who have had similar experiences.

4. Respect Their Privacy

Coming out is a personal journey, and your child may not be ready for everyone to know yet. Respect their privacy and let them decide when and how they want to share their identity with others. Avoid outing them to family members, friends, or colleagues without their explicit consent.

5. Ask How You Can Support Them

Every individual has different needs and preferences when it comes to support. Ask your child how you can best support them during this time. They might need someone to talk to, help with navigating social situations, or simply a hug. Showing willingness to support in the way they need can strengthen your relationship.

6. Be Patient

Coming out is not a one-time event but a process. Your child may still be figuring out aspects of their identity and how they fit into the world. Be patient with them and yourself as you both navigate this journey. It’s okay to take time to understand and process your feelings as long as your child knows you are committed to supporting them.

7. Seek Support for Yourself

It's normal to have your own feelings and questions as a parent. Seeking support from other parents who have gone through similar experiences can be very helpful. Support groups, therapy, and online forums can provide a space to share your thoughts and get advice from others. Organizations like PFLAG South Africa offer resources and support networks for parents.

8. Advocate for Your Child

Stand up for your child in situations where they might face discrimination or prejudice. Advocate for their rights and ensure they feel safe and supported at home, school, and in the community. South Africa’s constitution protects against discrimination based on sexual orientation, but societal attitudes can still be challenging. Being an ally not only helps your child but also promotes acceptance and equality in broader society.

9. Celebrate Their Identity

Celebrate your child's identity as an important and wonderful part of who they are. Encourage them to embrace their true selves and take pride in their identity. Celebrating milestones and achievements related to their coming out journey can be empowering for them.

10. Keep the Lines of Communication Open

Make it clear that your child can always come to you with anything. Keeping the lines of communication open fosters trust and ensures they feel comfortable sharing future challenges or changes in their identity.

Remember, your response can have a lasting impact on your child's mental and emotional health. Embracing them with love, support, and understanding is the best way to ensure they feel valued and accepted for who they are. In South Africa, we have a unique opportunity to draw on our constitutional protections and rich diversity to create an environment where all individuals can thrive.